Reaping a Rich Reward

I have lived in such a way that I do not deliberately hurt anyone.  By the same token, I  have tried the best way possible to maintain peace with everyone. Although, I must admit that in times of provocations, there have been a few times when I lose my control.  God forgive me!

Not that I consider myself better than anyone...because I know I am not. I'm only different.  There are things that people dare  do that I don't even dream of doing, particularly if I could see that these pose risk to my health, my reputation, my safety and most of all, jeopardise my standing before God and all the people close to my heart.  I seem to have my own piece of mind about anything and I tend to stick to it by all means--never mind what other people may say.  I want to be happy with myself that's why. 

I do not exist to please others for the simple reason that I have found it to be one of the impossibilities in this world.  Thus, I believe that one way to feel miserable is to try to please others, if not everyone. Having said this, however, I can confidently say I am not  self-centred. No, not at all (!) Since I became a Christian, I learned that JOY means Jesus first, Others second and You (myself) last.

James said faith without good works is dead. Paul said to work out our salvation with trembling. He also said he had fight the good fight of faith...

Have I not followed in their footsteps? Have I not striven to be like Jesus every step of the way? I definitely have!  But then being a Christian, ie being a new person in Christ, does not eradicate my old self.  I am still the same person who had been afflicted with some kind of manufactured autism, anti-social tendencies, a tongue that cut people into half and the same person who came out of these when Jesus Christ came into my heart.

I could not claim however, I have become righteous except positionally.  It is Christ who made me righteous, who called me into holiness, who sees me as holy. 

Technically, I am not the same person years and years ago.  I have been saved by God's grace.  I have done some good things in the name of God--both to others and myself. 

I have loved myself so that I could also love others. Because I have been patient to myself, I also have been patient to others--though not at all times. I think this is forgivable.  God is not through with me yet. As it is written, I am changed from one glory to another.

I have also been kind to myself,  so I would learn to be kind to others also-- though not at all situations.  I think this too,  is forgivable.  And just as I already said in the foregoing, God is not through with me yet.

I have been not arrogant, either. I know and I have tried not to, despite all the successes God gave me. I regard others, if not better... just to be different from me and thus, deserve as much respect as I do---because my father taught me, as well as my siblings, not to belittle any person.  My father said that  no matter how uneducated or lowly people maybe compared to me, they definitely know something which I don't know. Thus,  I have regarded of equal footing  every one as myself.

Further, I have tried by the grace of God to love everyone with agape love--no matter how I dislike them.  I know, however,  I have failed to do this in many instances. But God knows in my heart of hearts,  I have desired to love them and have tried, even in the poorest way one may view it, to actualise this desire.  And God who is omniscient know I always do!

Is it too much then that I expect to reap a rich reward?  I am not asking for material riches.  All I want is for all my siblings, myself  and my significant other to enjoy life together here on earth---- as it is in heaven.

In this little corner...

I was leafing through the pages of my old journals when i found a piece of paper where I had written an unfinished exposition. I thought I must have written it while waiting for the client or patient while I was still doing on-site interpreting assignments. I read in this paper...as a kid my mother me told she would usually find me in one little corner reading or scribbling while my other siblings were out playing in the backyard. I chuckled and said to myself here I still am, today, in this little corner.
I could have gone out. I have long been kept inside the walls of Lilyland, a modification of Lilianland by which Brett named my property. However, I opted to stay at home. Thank goodness, I did! Or I could not have enjoyed the glorious rhythm of the rain that is falling right now on the Stratco roof of the extension of my house. Had I gone out, I would surely come home like a wet duckling.
Why do I always go in this little corner? I never bothered to know the reason why—not for many, many years.

After minutes of wondering and reflecting, I know now why...
It is only in this little corner where I can enjoy my own company and listen to the deep groaning of my soul and spirit, thereby know myself more. It is in this little corner where I have all the liberty to be me. I do not mean to say I wear a social mask, or any kind of mask for that matter, when I am out there. I never have—not in any shape or form. When I am out there, however, there are norms and standards to follow. Could I just burst out in tear or laughter accordingly as to what my thought processes are, for example, when I am in the congregation of the saints? Could I wear the comfy, sleeveless ruffled-linen purple dress I am wearing now which shows my arms and my neck. Not at all –not because I have not done enough restraining exercises to have the arms of Michelle Obama, but because I am a little bit conservative!
Yes, it is in this little corner where I am most relax, calm, comfortable and free. Where else could I enjoy the music and dance to its rhythm using my own funny steps to lower my blood sugar levels without getting laughed at? Only in this little corner...

It is in this little corner also that I soar limitlessly into heights of spiritual, mental and intellectual mountaintop experiences.

And most of all, it is in this little corner where I can endlessly talk to my Maker and pour out my heart’s deepest desire in tears and in prayers for all the people I love who are sick and hurting.

All i once held dear...

What were the things I held dear? Foremost was my love for the academics. As soon as I had good awareness of what life should be, I'd say I had pursued my dream to be in the academia. Although I believed in God and had a religion, these had not been my top priorities. My highest dream was to be a member of the Academy of Sciences. I believed I was cut out to study, study, and study still and if I would just be persever-ant and diligent, I knew would get there in no time. My efforts were not in vain. I would say I had fairly made a name in science.


That was like decades ago.For a Ph D graduate like me then, there was always the pressure to publish. If I wouldn't, then I was academically doomed. I perish! I'd say I had enough scientific publications, not to mention the countless confidential technical reports I made for chemical companies here in Australia, to be included in Who's Who In the World, and Who's Who Etc.


After I left my career to look after my aging and sick mother, I occassionally googled out of curiosity my name in the internet--Hmm...I was still there. I believed this to be the result of my webpage on dust mites which gained recognition foremost by Discovery Channel School Magazine at the first instance when I uploaded it in the internet. My webpage and sometimes my name in line with big institutes and universities had been cited by different websites of industries as a reference to boost their claim for the effectiveness of their product against dust mites. The number of emails I received through my webpage was huge, sometimes, even clogging my inbox, as the Administrator termed it in one of his emails to me. Among these, which made my ego a bit huge, was from a company in Rhodes Islands offering me some fees to test and eventually endorse their pillow protector against dust mites in the market and also from a radio person in Arkansas asking me if I could be interviewed. Needless to say, I got countless emails from average people consulting me regarding their allergy to dust mites and its allergen. I told to myself then, Ah... I was still alive.


In the beginning of this year,though, I googled my name in a playful mood, and Alas! My name was nonexistent I was unlisted from E-Acarology list of Publications, whatever it was called. I could not remember anymore. For a while, I wondered when I perished....


My rational self however retorted, does it really matter?" Was my career the thing that matter most? NO! Is it my house and my receding bank balance? NO! Is it my family I always hold dear? The answer is still a big NO! One by one they just 'go', like surprised bombshells in my tranquil life. I lost my beloved big brothers, my big sisters, I lost my father...I do not know what the future holds. I do not know whether I will outlive the remaining members of my family or they will outlive me... Either way is a very sad thing. And if I could wish... I wish none of these will happen and we will all meet Jesus together in the air.


I made the video Knowing You using David Bird's guitar rendition. I meditate whenever I listen to it. I also read the lyrics of the song through and through until it occurred to me...


all I once held dear, YES!
all the world reveres,and wars to won ...
All I thought was gain, I have counted lost
Spent and worthless now compared to this---
Knowing You Jesus, knowing You
there is no greater thing,
You're my all, you're the best
You're my joy, my righteousness
And I love you Lord..


How else can I say it? Indeed, there is no greater thing than to know Jesus. I will lose everything, everyone, but Jesus in my life remains. Earthly friends and even my family will fail me, but Jesus never will! No, He never will!

Yes, Jesus is my ALL, my JOY, and my RIGHTEOUSNESS.

Delmar-my You Tube Channel

I did not know I have a channel in You Tube. I believe it was Renren, my nephew who created it using my account. He used to come to my house on a Thursday last year before he attended his next class in the university. He named the channel after my father who passed away on May 10, 2010. I thought he must have truly been missing my father.


Why wouldn't he? My father, whom he called Lolo, had always been involved in his life when he was still a young boy. They were neighbours. When he was really young young, my father used to walk him to school. After school, my father also used to make him snack--two fried eggs with bread, rice or noodles. In spite of a bad leg, his Lolo also never failed to go to his school to see him participate in school sports events or other school programs. Furthermore, his Lolo never missed going to his presentations at the end of school year, after which each time, both of them happily walked home--his Lolo a proud man because his grandson got the Ducks award.

When Renren became a young man, his friendship with his Lolo continued. Since my father moved house, Renren every now and then, had been his frequent visitor. When his Lolo's health deteriorated, Renren became involved in looking after him, being a company to him, sometimes even driving him to the doctor when there was no available driver. He also looked after him and tarried with him at times in various situations when his Lolo became confined in the hospital.

One nice thing Renren does, to my surprise, is his visits to his grandfather's tomb every now and then on his own. On special occassions, he also bring flowers for his grandfather.

Well the above is the backgound to my existing channel which I did not know I have until May 21 of 2011, when I first uploaded the video I made for my sister Daisy for her birthday. In this video, I used as background music my sister's own interpretation of the song, Hahanapin Kita, which I myself love to sing. I posted this video first on facebook and when I posted it on You Tube the second time, I got a strong reaction from my sister. Probably because such video was truly sort of private viewing because people would love to listen more to Anthony Castelo than her. I told her,though, that I just tried uploading video in You Tube as I did not know how to do it then, but know now, of course.

Having quite a bit of fun, I uploaded next the video I made using my brother Art's singing of one of song I often watch on the documentation of the editions we had of the Christian Ministry my family and I organised in the 1990s. In making it, I listened to the lyrics of the song and jotted them down. Art actually missed one phrase in singing the song, I realised it now because I sort of already got a good grasp of the song. But it was not very obvious, though. This is easily overlooked because my brother has got a good singing voice. In fact he was my top favourite singer then next to Joel Navarro.

I was happy I got this channel because of ease in being able to listen or watch my own videos on my tHub tablet. These videos are documentations of the things we did as family using as background music that meant a lot to me. As I eventually learn to create playlists, the more I became a happy You Tube user. I made playlists of my own videos which essentially are my favourite Christian songs, Celebrating Jesus, etc and also playlists of my parents'favourite songs. I also have a playlist which I called For my sisters with much affection, 3 of whict are still private videos because I have not asked my two sisters if they are happy for me to uploaded them. (I posted them originally of facebook). I told to myself WoW! Isn't this real fun--having learned a bit more other features of You Tube.

At the moment, I have uploaded 23 videos, 9 of which are for private viewing. As I have become a You Tube user more, I learned other things...When I look at other channels and see millions views of their uploaded videos, I was sort of disheartened because it would be like a million years and probably the views of my videos will still be just hundreds.

When I recall to my mind however, that my channel has been more for my own enjoyment, I learned to calm down and relax.

I said once more another WoW! Wny, because I got one more interesting thing to do as I enjoy my semi-retiring days. Thanks to my nephew who signed up for me. Thanks also to You Tube!

Listening to my playlists makes my chores delightful.